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Bumped
Bumped
Bumped
Ebook283 pages3 hours

Bumped

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

3/5

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About this ebook

When a virus makes everyone over the age of eighteen infertile, would-be parents pay teen girls to conceive and give birth to their children, making teens the most prized members of society. Girls sport fake baby bumps and the school cafeteria stocks folic-acid-infused food.

Sixteen-year-old identical twins Melody and Harmony were separated at birth and have never met until the day Harmony shows up on Melody’s doorstep. Up to now, the twins have followed completely opposite paths. Melody has scored an enviable conception contract with a couple called the Jaydens. While they are searching for the perfect partner for Melody to bump with, she is fighting her attraction to her best friend, Zen, who is way too short for the job.

Harmony has spent her whole life in Goodside, a religious community, preparing to be a wife and mother. She believes her calling is to convince Melody that pregging for profit is a sin. But Harmony has secrets of her own that she is running from.

When Melody is finally matched with the world-famous, genetically flawless Jondoe, both girls’ lives are changed forever. A case of mistaken identity takes them on a journey neither could have ever imagined, one that makes Melody and Harmony realize they have so much more than just DNA in common.

From New York Times bestselling author Megan McCafferty comes a strikingly original look at friendship, love, and sisterhood—in a future that is eerily believable.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherHarperCollins
Release dateApr 26, 2011
ISBN9780062076977
Bumped
Author

Megan McCafferty

Megan McCafferty is the author of Bumped as well as the New York Times bestselling Jessica Darling series, which includes Sloppy Firsts, Second Helpings, Charmed Thirds, Fourth Comings, and Perfect Fifths. She lives in Princeton, New Jersey, with her family.

Read more from Megan Mc Cafferty

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Reviews for Bumped

Rating: 3.2365702752066117 out of 5 stars
3/5

484 ratings106 reviews

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    An unconventional sci-fi-ish story. Really, it's a super funny and hilarious story of identical twins, separated at birth, who meet up and hijinx ensue. Oh, and it's also the year 2030 and everybody goes sterile after age 20, so pregnancy-for-hire is what all the teen girls are up to. Plus, cute boys!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Worth reading for the envisioned slang alone. Hilarious and eerily accurate at the same time.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    In a world where most people become infertile after the age of 18, a pregnant 16-year-old is the most important person in the world. Melody is not pregnant and the time is running out on her pro contract with a family who really covets her unique Northern European looks and the skills and talents her adoptive parents have carefully developed in her. Then, her identical twin sister shows up. I'm looking forward to reading the sequel.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    A virus has made most people over the age of 18 sterile, so an entire industry and culture has been developed encouraging teenagers to become pregnant, and sell the babies for as much as they can get. Melody's parents arranged for her to be the first professional surrogate in her school, but while she waits for the adoptive parents to select a father for their baby, all the other girls are pregnant, and she is losing status.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The Little BookwormIn a world where adults lose fertility around the age of 20 due to a virus, Melody is one of the first girls in her class to go pro, as in professional surrogate. Offered a highly lucrative contact to preg for a well-to-do couple, all she has to do is wait for them to find the perfect match for her. Then her long-lost, "Godfreaky" twin sister, Harmony, shows up wanting her to give up pregging for money and move to Goodside, the religious compound, with her. However, when the surrogate parents finally find the perfect donor, things begin to change for the twins in an unexpected way.I feel like this book was saying a whole lot of things. I also feel like most of things went over my head as I was distracted by the onslaught of pregnancy related slang. The sheer amount of it almost overwhelmed me. Since society has now become focused on encouraging teenage girls to become pregnant, of course the slang would move along with it. It made me laugh but it also made me scratch my head occasionally. And if I had a nickel for every time the word "bump" was used, well, then I'd have a lot of nickels.Still this is a very clever book. In fact, everything about this book screamed clever. It is a biting look at society's tendencies to go overboard with an idea and also to commercialize it. From the FunBump available for the "pre-bumped" to the use of "man brands" (sperm donors), everything about this society is focused on surrogates and child birthing. And I mean everything. I had a hard time grasping the timeline of when all the adults went sterile but everything in the books seemed a bit frantic like babies had to be had now or the world would end. And, by making teenage pregnancy not only palatable but extremely desirable, the message of why they were doing it becomes lost in the marketing.As for the characters, I can't say I liked either one of the twins that much. They represent two extremes and it's hard to relate to an extreme. In fact, the only likable character is Zen, the friend of Melody, who acts like the only voice of reason in the whole book. Everyone is a caricature from both Melody and Harmony down to every adult and teenager in the book with the exception of Zen. Nothing in the whole book felt real and I was emotionally separated from the characters' plights, much like the pregnant teenagers from their bumps. It is a quirky and interesting book though. I found myself racing through it, curious to see what happens next. Was I surprised by the turn of events near the end of the book? No, not really. Am I curious to see what happens next? Yes, actually I am. There were things that could possibly develop into something interesting for the characters and I'd like to see if they are addressed and how so. A lot of people really like this book and I'm still trying to decide how I feel about it. It was worth reading and I guess that's the best thing I can say.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Strange silly satire on teenage pregnancy and consumer culture. Ended as a cliff hanger -
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    If you are one of those who is turned off by slang in YA dystopias, avoid this one like the plague! Slang can supplement (and presumably enhance an understanding of) world-building, as it does with the Uglies Series by Scott Westerfeld and the Maze Runner Trilogy by James Dashner. But sometimes, as in this book, it just serves as a stand-in for world-building. Its purpose seems to be to emphasize that these are not our times; in other words, to establish the existence of dystopia without supplying any description or background information. To me, that’s a bit like using zombies as metaphors for evil. There’s a richer narrative to be had by not taking the easy way out!In the futuristic scenario of this book, almost three-quarters of all males and females are sterile because of infection with HPSV: Human Progressive Sterility Virus. Most of those affected become sterile between their eighteenth and twentieth birthdays. Therefore, as with similar stories (such as Wither by Lauren DeStefano), the market takes over, and young, fertile females become hot commodities. They are encouraged to serve as surrogates for older couples in exchange for money and other benefits. The pregnant mother is administered drugs to counteract the chemical bond between the biomom and the “pregg” (the use of the word “baby” is discouraged).Melody is sixteen and is frowned upon by her friends because she is not yet pregnant. She has contracted with a married couple to be a “surrogette,” but they haven’t found her the “perfect” match yet. Meanwhile, she discovers she has an identical twin, Harmony, who was brought up in a religious community, and Harmony makes a surprise visit. Melody and Harmony describe what happens next in alternate chapters. In somewhat of a rehash of "Parent Trap," they don’t like each other at first, but then get on the same team, and change each other in totally unexpected ways.Evaluation: The overuse of slang is annoying. The characters are totally stock. Zen, who is the male best friend of Melody, is exactly like every other male best friend of a dystopian female protagonist, including being secretly in love with her. (Zen, however, at just over 5 feet seven inches has “insufficient verticality” to be considered a good match, and Melody, beautiful and smart, is destined to mate with a “RePro” or “reproductive professional.”)Harmony, trying to bring everyone to “God,” gets involved with Melody’s intended RePro in a predictable plotline that seems to be taken right out of the movie "Elmer Gantry" (book by Sinclair Lewis). [Melody's a busy girl, what with jumping around from the plot of "Parent Trap" to the plot of "Elmer Gantry."] And when Melody all of the sudden wants to be valued for “what’s between [her] ears instead of what’s between her legs,” there’s little explanation for this sudden rejection of her lifelong raison d'etre.There are some clever satirical digs at society, but most of the attempts at satire are rendered too fatuously. Compare, for instance, the mastery of social satirists Kurt Vonnegut or James Morrow. (Actually, no comparison.)Note: A sequel is in the works.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Interesting. I wonder how a virus does that.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I thought this book brought up many interesting points .
  • Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
    1/5
    Man oh man this book SUCKED big time. I remember really enjoying McCafferty’s writing style in her Jessica Darling series, so I assumed that I would like this book as well, after all in one of the publicity videos McCafferty promises that readers will laugh throughout the novel. I think it is safe to say that both McCafferty and I have never been so wrong in our entire lives. Ms. McCafferty I only laughed once. Epic fail.

    The premise is interesting and if delivered correctly, could make a decent series but the delivery fell extremely flat with the exception being the last twenty pages. Seriously nothing worthwhile happens in the majority of the novel and then all of a sudden crap hits the fan. If you think that is going to bring readers like me back for round two with “Thumped” you are sadly mistaken. Since the Darling series was so good I will pretend this little mistake never happened and wait for you to redeem yourself.

    The characters are hardly developed throughout the novel. The dialogue is shallow and uninteresting. The writing is painful to shift through. Books like this give me hope that maybe someday I too can become a published author. Overall I feel incredibly let down and so very disappointed.

    To anyone who is thinking of picking up this book, do yourself a favor and forget it even exists. Seriously.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Reading "Bumped" sometimes I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. From the amazing first paragraph that hooked me till the end that I didn't even predict, I thought " how much more outrageous can it be ?" Very outrageous. Identical twins Melody and Harmony are separated at birth and raised in not-so-identical surroundings. Harmony in a strict, religious, sheltered setting and Melody in a crazy other side that has a virus rendering everyone over the age of 18 infertile. So who is left to repopulate the earth ? Teenagers - and they're shamelessly used by their own parents to make money as surrogates. That's the gist of it - but there's a whole dictionary of slang and pop culture that is funny/sad, and made me wonder - if I had a young daughter, would I want her to read this ? I decided, Yes ! "Bumped" made me stop and think about a lot of things - as I hope it will for all the women and girls who read it - and the men !
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    good
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    this book is amazing if your over sixteen:)
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    so I was annoyed with Harmony at first, lying to Melody, impersonating her, basically stealing everything from Melody; but then, as I got closer and closer to the end, I realized that I felt sorry for her. Can't wait to read the sequel!!!!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    m
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The story line is so interesting! I would recommend this book for teens ages 11-15, I read it when I was younger and it's been one of my favorites!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Humerous science fiction based on the premise of a virus that renders humans sterile in their late teens. Set about 10 years in the future US culture has split into the Goodside, religious fundamentalist sorts, and the Otherside, a social media madden world where being surrogate parents is a hot market. Our protagonists are right out of Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors - identical twins separated at birth. They are sixteen and each faces a crisis in their lives. There is lots of fun with the spoofing of the language and possible jingles and commercial approach to life. I jumped at the opportunity to follow up with Thumped which is set 40 weeks later....
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    This book started off well and had me intrigued with the first few chapters but after I started getting deeper into reading the book, I quickly became bored. The plot was messy, and could have been executed much better! The ending was rushed and it was anti-religous.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Loved it!! I didn't know it had a sequel though...what an ending...I can't wait for the next!!! It started out crazy, McCafferty literally throws the reader into this world, no explanations...but one catches on fast! I went from unsure about the book to not being able to put it down as the characters became more and more interesting! Yay can't wait for the next!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    What if only teenagers could get pregnant? That is the premise for this fascinating YA novel which brings together long-lost twin sisters Melody and Harmony as they struggle with the reproductive pressure. Harmony is from Goodside, the churchy, "godfreaky" area of this society. She's been brought up to believe that it is her duty to get married at 13 and raise a family of Christian warriors. Melody lives in Princeton, or "Otherside" and is under contract to produce a child for a wealthy couple. The author uses the girls' unfamiliarity with each others' lives to introduce these concepts to the reader in a very effective way. The culture which glorifies teen pregnancy and makes words like "fertilicious" and "reproaesthetical" synonyms for cool and encourages youngsters to engage in drugged orgies and outlaws condoms is truly frightening. I'm not sure I agree with the message the author is trying to send, but I can see how the girls reach their respective realizations about their lives. Excellent world building, character building and dialogue. Recommended.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    he first words to my fiancée after reading this were, “That was the oddest thing I think I’ve ever read.”

    Bumped takes place in 2035, and follows the story of two girls that happen to be identical twins. When I first started reading this dystopian novel, I almost put it down to come back to later or not even finish at all. But I am glad I finished it. The vocabulary in this book is probably the most confusing thing while reading. It took me a while in some sentences to get the tone of the word they were using. It is also hard to differentiate which twin is telling the story at times. Each chapter alternates between Melody and Harmony.

    There are a lot of religious references in the novel, but don’t let that keep you from reading this. Typical of every dystopian, the characters have to decide if they are going to keep following what society is telling them to do or if they are going to rebel.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    "You're knocked up. Ready to pop. Due to drop. Do the deed. Born to breed. Went forth and multiplied. Fightin' the omnicide. You're the most important person on the plaaaanet....Babiez R U!"

    When I read the blurb, I didn't think I'd like this. But after I learned that this was a satirical dystopian YA novel, I decided to give it a chance.

    I think the key is to realize that this book isn't taking itself so seriously. Once you let go, this book was enjoyable. The plot moves quite quickly, since it's written in first person present tense (I don't know if it's just me, but I've been noticing that more and more YA novels are written like this) and only takes place within a few days.

    After finding out she has a long lost twin sister Harmony leaves her Christian community to find and save Melody. Melody wants to become a surrogate mother, because teens are the only ones who can get pregnant so it's a lucrative business to be in, but it's also a sin. And Harmony is running away from something else and decides that this is the best way to reignite her faith in her community.

    They don't hit it off at first and are awkward with each other, but all that changes when Melody is picked to bump with Jondoe, a celebrity sperm donor who is all the rage at the moment. He doesn't shoot blanks, so Melody's status will skyrocket once she has sex with him. But there lies our problem, Harmony sees him and twin switching and predictability happens.

    The writing is smooth, so it was fun reading this. This is the first book by Megan McCafferty that I've read and I don't think it will be that last...especially since I want to know what happens next.

    Even though this is a very tongue-in-cheek novel, the dystopian world that McCafferty created is an interesting one. A virus makes everyone but teens infertile. Celebrities are those who make babies and don't shoot blanks. It's interesting. Sadly, we don't get to see a lot of the world. Not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing though. It's bad, because I wanted to know their world more. But it's good, because it kind of makes the world seem like the one we're living in now only it has better technology.

    The chapters do go back and forth between Melody and Harmony and while they do have distinct voices, it did throw me off at first because once I was getting into one character, the chapter would stop and I'd go to the other twin. But after awhile you get use to it.

    The world and some of the characters are over the top, but the lack of details about this world does make it eerily similar to our own. Overall, this was a fun, quick read. It does end in a bit of a cliffhanger though, so you'll have to wait for Thumped to see what happens next.
  • Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
    1/5
    I was 25% through this book and it went right into the trash. The writing is atrocious and the story is even worse. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone!!!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book reminded me of The Handmaiden's Tale by Margaret Atwood. If you enjoyed this book, you'll love Atwood's.Both books use widespread infertility as a vehicle for the repression of women. In Bumped, that powerlessness and exploitation is all the more poignant because it involves teenage girls.The book is told from two viewpoints, Melody and Harmony, recently reunited twins who have been raised in extreme opposite environments. Both start out believing that their culture is the best and both go through emotional and eye-opening experiences that widen their perspective.Megan McCafferty shows the twisted culture through the behaviour of teenage girls who are taught to view pregnancy as their gift and duty. It is all frighteningly believable and plausible. Fortunately, Melody's sense of humour and forthrightness prevent the story from becoming completely dark and depressing.This is a truly unique coming-of-age story and well worth reading. Although it is part of a series, there is enough of a conclusion to satisfy readers (like me) who don't like cliffhanger books.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    "I dream of a life where girls don't hide behind veils. And they can dress as they want to and cut their hair or keep it long if that's what they like. And they can study the Bible, really study it by asking questions, and having them answered, and also read other unbiblical books too."

    The only reason that this book gets two stars is that it turns out to be a feminist novel that does have a good message - as a woman you CAN think for yourself, you ARE powerful... wait, let me find the quote.

    "We are smart.
    We are stunning
    We are strong
    We are everything we need to be."

    A GREAT message for any teenage girl. But so poorly executed. This definitely is not a book for anyone under the age of about 14. It's like 'Oryx and Crake' meets 'Brave New World' without birth control. And with terrible writing. Which is so sad, because like I said the message is AWESOME.

    8 May: About half-way done. Let me preface. I'm not a puritan, I'm not a prude, premarital sex - a must. I believe it's possible for (older) teenagers to have safe sex and understand what the possible consequences are.

    BUT. This whole book is selling sex! It's ABOUT selling sex! Maybe my opinion is premature and there's some fabulous moral ending. We'll see.

    Other than that, the writing is weak and uninspired, (really Melody and Harmony? Zen - the super nice super balanced guy? Gotcha.) I'll let you know the results tomorrow.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    On the one hand, dystopian settings kind of freak me out. On the other hand, once I got into this, I zoomed along reading and I'm peeved that it ends all unresolved and waiting on a sequel!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    So, everyone who says this is a trashy, light Handmaid's tale rip off isn't far off the mark.But it's a cute idea, nicely executed, with the moral message about how women should have the right to control their own reproduction not _too_ overdone. The made up buzzwords (minet, bump, negged etc) aren't _too_ forced, and the story moves at a good pace. Both the twins have a slightly heavy handed Revalation - one that the Bible is a bit contradictory and you can read it lots of different ways and maybe you have to work things out for yourself, and one that sex isn't just for babies and we should have control of our own bodies and enjoy them. I think the best thing about this book is that it is a truly fascinating idea for a distopia. The issues around being a teenager discovering your sexuality, and around being a woman facing the menopause and losing fertility forever are powerful and the mash-up of them both happening at once is a really interesting thing to explore. And maybe that would be my main critisicm - although the book has some dark bits around how pregnancy and adoption aren't as easy as they're marketted at the girls to be, it still stays mostly light and fluffy. Looking forward to the sequel!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    About halfway through this book I was in love with it. Smart questions about faith, sex, gender...the works. I said out loud, "if she sticks the landing, this is a five-star book." But I was afraid she wouldn't stick the landing--and I was right. The last 30 pages devolve all the interesting complexity the first 300 worked to build. Especially Harmony's decision re: Ram. The underlying religious "God's will be done" thing becomes overpowering at the end, and utterly destroys the complexity and interesting questions with simplistic answers. I'm pretty mad about it, too, because I really liked this one.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    The description for Bumped by Megan McCafferty says that a virus made everyone older than 18 infertile. The book though opens with Melody explaining that the virus infected 75% of the population. Regardless, it's enough of a problem that teenagers are valuable commodities being the only ones who can keep the human population going.Bumped is told in alternating voices by twin sisters Melody and Harmony who were separated at birth and adopted by very different families. Melody has gone pro and will "bump" with a specially selected Johndoe for enough money to see her through college and probably beyond. Harmony, though, was raised on the "Goodside" a hyper conservative, Bible thumping commune where teens are married young so they can have their child and raise it together before it's too late. Harmony though has left the compound to bring her sister to God before it's too late.Bumped is a dystopian in the style of A Clockwork Orange and has two parallel slangs, those used by mainline society teens and that used by the Goodside teens. I didn't find either slang particularly hard to follow but Harmony's seemed better developed and more natural.With two protagonists carrying the story, each telling her story in first person, both need distinct, believable voices. Here is where Bumped falls short. Melody though self described as smart, beautiful and responsible never demonstrates any of these attributes. At a time when she's expecting the call she neglects to check her messages and doesn't take her phone with her. The last two thirds of the book are only possible because of her laziness and stupidity.Harmony, though, does manage to carry her half of Bumped. Though presented as the villain or foil of the book, she evolves into a well rounded (no pun intended) and sympathetic character.Although there is talk of sex and teenagers being paid to have sex I think Bumped could be used in a high school English class. It has themes and talking points that would work well at the same time that Lord of the Flies and The Scarlet Letter are being taught.eGalley received from NetGalley.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    It took a few pages to get into it, but I love how it turned out. Completely unexpected!

Book preview

Bumped - Megan McCafferty

a1

I’M SIXTEEN. PREGNANT. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON on the planet.

According to the Babiez R U ad, anyway.

You’re knocked up, sings the girlie chorus. Ready to pop. Due to drop. The sixty-second jingle loops continuously in the dressing room.

I check the MiNet to make sure no one I know is shopping in this wing of the Meadowlands Mallplex. Most of my friends are still in bed sleeping off last night’s Tocin hangovers. I’m safe.

Do the deed. Born to breed.

Free from neggy eyes, I could act just like the fat and happy models in the commercials. I could shout, I could shimmy, I could show off every pound of my, um, abundant awesomeness. Such gushing doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does to other girls. I have to work harder at it, the way my friends struggle to solve calculus equations that are easy for me. Preparing to pregg is a full-time job with no days off—but I don’t have a choice. Not when there’s so much at stake.

Rubbing my spectacularly distended belly, I want to try out an expression just to hear how it sounds coming out of my mouth.

I’m . . .

Egging. Preggiiing . . .

Fertilicious?

My whole body sags under the weight of my sigh. I’m supposed to own my pregnancy because my extra sixty is oh so sexy, but I’d die of embarrassment if anyone I know caught me striking poses like this—especially Zen. So I guess it’s a good thing that my best friend has made no effort to see me lately.

Went forth and multiplied. Fightin’ the omnicide . . .

I check once more for anyone I know, then blind my MiNet with a blink-left-right-left-wink-double-blink. The song is wrapping up—You’re the most important person on the plaaaanet. . . . Babiez R U!—when I’m startled out of my reverie by the sound of my own voice.

Well!

I jump.

I’ve been so focused on my own expectant spectacle, I forgot that I’m not alone in the dressing room. Standing directly behind me is Harmony. Until a few weeks ago, we had never spoken. And until a few hours ago, we had never met in person.

She’s my identical twin.

a1

I LOVE THE MEADOWLANDS MALLPLEX!

It’s fast and loud and bright and buzzing with temptation but that’s why I love it. I love it because there’s no better place for me to do the work I was born to do: to spread the Word. Everyone in Goodside is already on message, but here there’s an endless supply of sinners going down the wrong path. It’s dizzying trying to decide who to witness to first. Or rather, next. After Melody.

I’m here because I lost my best veil. It was so silly, really. I didn’t tell Melody the whole story because I was afraid she’d laugh at me, or compare me to a happy puppy as Angel did after she calmed down when she saw that my stunt on the bridge hadn’t done anyone any harm.

Angel is the driver I called to take me to Otherside. I don’t know if that’s her name or not, but I like to think that it is. I had seen the billboard on Route 381 a few months ago, the last time it was my turn to leave Goodside

to sell my fruit preserves at the Fayatte County Farmers’ Market.

Angel Cab Company

1-800-GOD-TRIP

The LORD will watch over your coming and going. Psalm 121

A pair of wings sprouted from the shoulders of the A in Angel. It wasn’t difficult to commit the ad to memory, though I’m not sure why I did. At the time, I didn’t know about Melody and had nowhere else to go.

Angel isn’t in the Church but she does have God, which is as blessed as you can get in Otherside. She pulled up promptly at four a.m. and was full of the spirit despite the short notice, early hour, and her advanced age. Her white hair was cropped like a newly shorn lamb’s, her skin the warm brown of a biscuit ready to be taken out of the oven. With her crinkling eyes and ready smile, I trusted her immediately. Even more so when she asked, Are you ready to let go and let God?

I liked that. It reminded me that I wasn’t leaving my faith behind, it’s always here with me.

I am! I said, buckling myself into the backseat.

If paying someone to take me from Goodside to Princeton sounds indulgent, you’re right. But I don’t know how to drive and have no access to mass transit maps and schedules and once I decided to leave I really didn’t have any time to waste on figuring it all out. I made the right choice because Angel said it would’ve taken me sixteen hours and four transfers (bus, bus, train, train, shuttle bus) to travel three hundred miles. I might have made it past the Goodside gates, but probably not much farther than that before someone took notice of the Church girl traveling all by herself. Angel Cab traveled the same distance in just over three. I was halfway to Princeton before first light, and arrived on my sister’s doorstep in time for a breakfast prayer! The one-way fare cost all the money I had in the world, but that’s just one of many worries I’m choosing not to bother myself with right now.

I’ve taken missionary trips to other mallplexes with my prayerclique, but I’ve always had a chaperone and traveled on the Church bus. I suppose I could have asked Melody to MiBuy me a veil—it isn’t quite as important to try them on as I led her to believe—but I want to make the most of my time with her. I want to go out and see the world beyond Goodside. I want to reach as many people as possible. If I serve well, this could be a life-changing experience for both of us.

It has to be.

When Melody suggested we browse at Babiez R U, I got nervous. I knew it wasn’t a place of righteousness. Stores like this make a mockery out of Heaven’s greatest gifts and my housesisters testify all the time about how bad company ruins good habits, which is why I’m so lucky to have them in my life. But I have complete faith in my faith. There’s no reason to be afraid of anything I see here.

I pray that by joining Melody in this store, we will finally twinbond. It’s been a month since our miraculous reunion and she has yet to call me sister. In fact, she has yet to say much to me at all, unless I ask her directly. Melody has been open about herself but uncurious about me, answering ten times the number of questions that she has asked, a tally that stands at three: What are you doing here?; Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?; and I don’t think you’ll need another veil while you’re here but if it’s that important to you then I guess we can go to the Mallplex, okay?

Despite her reticence, just standing next to my sister is as exhilarating as cruising across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge, over the Delaware River, the cab taking me out of one state and into the next just as the sun crowned the horizon. . . .

That’s how I lost my best veil.

I longed to merge with this glorious landscape! I longed to unite with the majestic skyline! I longed to revel in His goodness at a hundred miles per hour. I lowered the window and stuck out my head, and shouted out.

Halllllleeeeeellllluuuuuujaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Angel screamed, swerved, screeched the breaks, and screamed some more. We were blessed that there aren’t too many cars on the road at sunrise.

Once I was safe back inside the car, she prayed about my recklessness before saying she was surprised to see such behavior out of a Church girl like me.

"You don’t need to return to His kingdom right now, do you, love?"

She was right. I didn’t need to meet my Maker today. Especially after I’d gone through so much trouble to get here.

I’ll never forget the sight of my veil in the split seconds after it freed itself from my tangled hair, soaring, up, up, upward, closer to Heaven, a dazzling flash of white against the pink and blue sky.

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I CAN’T GET A CLEAR LOOK AT HARMONY’S FACE. IT’S THAT veil.

I tried to talk her out of wearing it in public but she’s not having it. In her defense, I guess it makes sense because why would she wear her veil in private? Harmony managed to lose her best veil during the ride to my house—this one is her backup—and she begged me to take her to Plain & Simple (Modest Clothing for Modest Youth) to shop for a replacement. The veil is the official excuse for why we hauled all the way out to the Meadowlands Mallplex; the unofficial excuse is that I couldn’t handle another minute trapped in the house with her as she went into raptures (not to be confused with the Rapture, which is one of her favorite topics) over the miracle of me. Of us.

I detoured at Babiez R U because I thought she would be a good audience for rehearsing the enthusiasm I need to pull off if I have any chance of taking over as president of the Pro/Am Pregg Alliance when my other best friend, Shoko Weiss, goes on birthleave.

The vice president and would-be successor, Malia Arroyo, is on what they call an indefinite leave of absence.

Speaking as her friend, I miss her.

But as her peer birthcoach, that’s all I’m legally permitted to say on the subject.

Ventura Vida is running against me. She’s new, so I’ve got seniority, but she’s flaunting a twenty-four-week bump that is just too perfect and adorable not to vote for. Her family put her in private school when the public districts starting making all preggers drop out of regular high school to attend a special school where they’re all brainwashed into keeping their deliveries. Gah. It’s not quite as bad as Harmony having to get married, but can you imagine? Ventura aspires to be the first Southeast Asian–American woman elected president of the United States and views tomorrow’s vote as the first of many on the path to the White House. All of this should make her an interesting person that I would otherwise want to get to know if it weren’t for the unfortunate circumstance of her being a total powertrippy bitch.

Harmony is almost a welcome distraction from what I have to look forward to at school tomorrow. Just thinking about all the drama gets my tubes in a twist.

Harmony takes a deep breath, the veil sucking up her nose, then murmurs something to herself—a go-to inspirational verse, probably—before making a go at talking.

Well! Harmony repeats brightly. How many weeks is . . . ? She points in the general direction of my belly.

Forty. And twins.

Twins! Like us!

It makes a bold statement, I say, rotating in front of the mirrors. A twin having twins.

Harmony sucks in another lungful of air. So true, sister!

I cringe from the inside out whenever she says that word. I can’t change the fact that Harmony is my identical twin, but I don’t know if I’ll ever call this stranger my sister. Special emphasis on the strange part. I know Churchies are expected to fill their conversion quotas and all, but it was still a shock when Harmony asked if I had God within ten seconds of me answering the door.

"Do I have Him, like, in my pocket?" I had laughed, still stunned by her unannounced arrival.

No, sister, she had said without a trace of irony. "In your heart."

I had gotten used to MiChatting with her a few times a week. Though she had extended countless invitations for me to visit her in Goodside—a trip I just wasn’t ready to make—she had made no mention of crossing into Otherside to see me.

So this was just too much. I mean, how do you think you’d feel if you opened the door at seven o’clock in the morning to see your exact double standing on your front porch, dressed all in white, clutching a shiny Bible in one hand and a banged-up suitcase in the other? I’m lucky I didn’t terminate right then and there. For serious.

It wasn’t until she hugged me (Sister!) that I realized I wasn’t hallucinating from a secondhand dose of Tocin. It really was Harmony on my doorstep. I wouldn’t have been so neggy if Harmony had asked to visit me. I don’t know the protocol for long-lost twin reunions or anything but at the very least she could have warned me.

All things considered, I think I’ve been handling things pretty well. I’ve come a long way since our first MiChat, when I barely managed to ask, "Harmony who? I’m your what?" I immediately quikiwikied the birth certificates that proved it wasn’t a phishy scam and she really was my identical twin named Harmony who had set out to find her bioparents but found me instead. It’s not like I never wanted to meet her in person, I’m just not up for making major media right now, and being a monozygotic twin always attracts attention even when they’re not nearly as reproaesthetical as I am. (I mean, we are.)

I’m not being braggy. It’s fact. I’m everything I’m supposed to be—attractive and intelligent, athletic and artistic, social and so on—only better. Ash and Ty, my parents, can’t take credit for my natural-born assets but they do deserve recognition for all the time, money, energy, and effort they put into perfecting them. Even their surname—Mayflower—boosts my brand. And yet, these pluses can only go so far. What a relief it was when the results of my YDNA test confirmed that I am indeed the dying breed of a dying breed, rare and highly valued in certain Eurosnobby circles.

Harmony too.

That’s another reason I was so put off this morning. It was one thing to hear her (my!) voice, but it was an entirely different thing to experience Harmony face-to-face. I eyeballed her blond hair and blue eyes, full lips and wide eyes, pert nose and high cheekbones, and panicked.

She’s counterfeiting me!

Then I took in her white veil and neck-to-ankle gown and unclenched. The Church is extreme even by ordinary God-having standards, so Harmony is off market. I wanted to make sure.

So you’re set up, I said, like, to be a wife and mother.

Harmony looked down at her gloved hands before answering. Yes.

That’s great news, I answered, because it was—for me.

I could be living a totally different life right now. Harmony and I could—and probably should—have been raised together. We don’t have many details, but from what we do know, it’s pretty clear our biomom was damaged goods by the time she dropped us off. The musical names she picked out for us are proof enough of her pharmaceutically addled mind. We were born addicted to whatever junk she was on, and came out such sickly, shrieky preemies that the counselors from Good Shepherd Child Placement Services thought we had a better chance of being snapped up as singletons than as a janky twosome. Harmony was in worse shape than I was, and was taken in by the Church several weeks after I was placed with Ash and Ty.

My parents are beyond intense, but Harmony’s off-grid upbringing has made me so thankful that mine adopted me and hers adopted her. With its ancient ivy-covered buildings, Princeton may not be the moddest hub on the Northeast Corridor but at least it just opened up an Underground All-Sports Arena and an Avatarcade. Harmony has spent her whole life in Goodside, Pennsylvania. She shares 6,500 square feet with three other families in one of the Starter Castles for Christ, those half-built McMansions in the never-finished gated enclaves bought dirt cheap by the Church in the late ’00s. Harmony claims it’s the largest settlement of its kind, which really isn’t saying much when there’s only a dozen or so in existence. The Church refers to the world beyond the Goodside gates as Otherside because it’s subtle like that.

One thing I appreciate about Harmony is that I don’t have to worry about encryption. Her immediate intentions are totally clear: She’s here to make me get religion. And not just any religion, of course, but hers. If I’m married along with the rest of her housesisters by the end of the month, I think she scores some major bonus angel points toward a heavenly set of wings or a halo or something. Despite her invitations, I know I’m not welcome in Goodside and it’s not because they fear HPSV. The Church is far more threatened by the possibility that I’ll infect their minds with sin. I could flash my lab results proving that the damage has already been done to my reproductive system and there’s no chance of catching the Virus from me, but they wouldn’t even care. I was shocked when Harmony told me that they don’t even test for the Virus in Goodside, because, as she explained, there is only one who can open and close the womb, and He flicks the switch from His heavenly throne. It’s no mere coincidence then, as she also explained, that there are more women pregging in their twenties and thirties on her side of the gates than on mine.

Well. How can you argue against that?

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MELODY AND I CAME INTO THIS LIFE TOGETHER AND I’LL DO whatever it takes to see her in the next one. But, my grace, she’s not making it easy.

I was surprised that she didn’t even consider searching for her (our!) birthparents as soon as she came of age. That was my first order of business when I turned sixteen. She claims that she never

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